Nintendo E3 2009

Demo dearth and 90% Mario

Maybe I need to lay down some history before I start to rip into the only thing Sony and Microsoft fanboys will agree on for the next year, that Nintendo's press conference SUCKED.  Right.  History. So way back when I was but a wee lad, when all of gaming I knew was Reader Rabbit on a Macintosh, I was introduced to one of the most life changing inventions in the history of man: The Famicon, the NES, the Nintendo Entertainment System.  From that point on, with a few deviations into the PC world, Nintendo was my bread an butter.  I even remember with a tear in my eye, the day I purchased with my own hard earned cash an N64, having nagged the Toys'R'Us clerk to the point of him granting me console six days prior to its official launch.  I even own a Gamecube, and like everyone else in the world, own a Wii.

Right, credentials out, now to business.  WTF Nintendo?!?  For what feels like the Nth (tee hee) time in a row, Nintendo has walked out on to the stage, hands in their pockets, blabbed on for an hour, demoed nothing, and walked off with hundred dollar bills floating out of their knickers.  It's not like they had nothing to talk about, with annocuments for a 4 player competitive redux of the original Mario Bros. titled (imaginatively) New Super Mario Bros. for the Wii, a new full 3D Mario game, Super Mario Galaxy 2 (CAVEAT: only 90% of the levels are new?!?!), an exciting Metroid game in the works by Team Ninja (Ninja Gaiden series) called Metroid: Other M, as well as plenty of cool DS games like Zelda: Spirt Tracks and a new Mario and Luigi RPG.  Here's the kicker, despite some Wii Sports Resort demos, we got absolutely ZERO hands on demos at the conference.  Maybe that's all well and fine for the showroom audience, but for the millions of people watching and waiting expectantly on the interwebs, it's the Press Conference equivalent of Nintendo spitting in your face while robbing your shirt (just try and visualize that).  Sorry, a new heart monitor attachment just doesn't cut it as, appealing to fan base, Nintendo.

Reggie, if you actually "read the forums" as you say, you'd do well to consider making good next year.   Hit the jump for a video of the full press conference as well as my pithy disdains of the whole affair.

Liveblog Twitter Feed

[Nintendo presscon 9:02]. Nintendo conf up and going. Will it be Mario or Zelda?

[Nintendo Presscon 9:27] - Sorry for the black out. Short Recap. New Super Mario Bros 2D scrolling platformer ala classic Mario.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:29] - New Wii Fit Plus, as expected, now 3 fitness games to compete, Active, Your Shape, and Wii Fit Plus.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:30] The Incredible Hulk (aka Reggie) out talking about Wii Motion Plus, new, more accurate preset waggle commands ;)

[Nintendo Presscon 9:31] Haha, new Virtua Tennis will apparently induce "life like swearing and frustration"

[Nintendo Presscon 9:32] Is any one else getting an Obama vibe from Reggie this morning?

[Nintendo Presscon 9:33] Surprise, surprise, new Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, and a version of Kingdom Hearts for DS

[Nintendo Presscon 9:37] New Mario & Luigi RPG game for DS, Mario and Luigi eaten by bowser and have to fight his...innards? Out this fall.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:38] return of Golden Sun RPG for the DS, clearly I'm showing my JRPG naivety

[Nintendo Presscon 9:41] More adventure games for the DS with Women's Murder Club penned, and new action shooter game Cop: The Recruit

[Nintendo Presscon 9:42] Well, put Nintendo down on the "pandering to young girl stereotypes" list. Slightly more tasteful from Japan.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:43] Anything that you want to show, from just a beginner to a pro, you need a DS montage, even Rocky had a montage...

[Nintendo Presscon 9:47] User generated content for DS, Flipbook Studio for short animations and level creator for Mario Vs. Donkey Kong.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:48] Warioware DIY microgame creator. That looks pretty cool, though I can imagine many minigames with poor taste...

[Nintendo Presscon 9:50] Ah, Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks playable on showroom floor for DS. Don't worry, that's not the annocument :)

[Nintendo Presscon 9:51] Satoru Iwata-san!! Far less fear inducing than Reggie.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:54] Hasn't Nintendo's goal been going after the "maybe I'll play a game" crowd for a while now? What about the fans?!

[Nintendo Presscon 9:55] Hmm, he makes a good point, "Everyone was a new gamer at some point." Very wise Iwata-san.

[Nintendo Presscon 9:58] "...An entirely different way of thinking about games" -> The Wii Vitality sensor!?!

[Nintendo Presscon 9:59] A heart monitor that clips to finger to help make games that are geared towards relaxation, or to help you sleep.

[Nintendo Presscon 10:00] ...Kind of like this press conference. Ba-zing!

[Nintendo Presscon 10:01] FULL 3D MARIO TITLE!!! Looks like more Galaxy, only now with Yoshi. First time 2 big Mario games on same console.

[Nintendo Presscon 10:04] I kind of want to see a new setting, but Galaxy was all about level design, so I'm still excited

[Nintendo Presscon 10:06] - Trailers for Conduit and new Rail Shooter (?) Resident Evil game (not Umbrella Chronicles)

[Nintendo Presscon 10:08] Trailer for Dead Space: Extraction, definitely a rail shooter, or sorry, "guided action experience"

[Nintendo Presscon 10:10] Team Ninja making a Metroid Game!! Looks like a mix between side scrolling & Prime-like shooter. Origin story?

[Nintendo Presscon 10:13] The end. Hmm, a lot of new titles, but nothing "crazy exciting" NIntendo. Felt a low key compared M$oft.

[Nintendo Presscon 10:14] Be back at 11 for the Sony Press Conference, last chance to dethrone Microsoft's killer press conference.